Category: Personal stories

Emily Hourican says her relationship with alcohol was like a friend with benefits, but never a soul mate. She started young at just 14 years. Even though her Mother did n’t drink, she allowed her children to have a half glass of wine at Sunday lunch.

The inoculation did not work

Emily says her Mother’s theory, was this kind of drinking would act as an inoculation, protect her children from heavy drinking. However, the research says the younger we are when we start drinking the more likely we are to have a drink problem.  

Her mother’s theory did n’t protect Emily. She would drink a bottle of Martini Bianco on the way to the school disco, getting paralytic drunk. Then her Mother found out. Years later, the women who ratted her out, told why they had to tell her Mother. They were just so worried about her safety. It shows the value of a caring community, who believe drunk children should be helped not ignored.

The drinking explodes

In a gap year in Florence, Emily learned “nice girls” just have a small glass of wine and then went for ice cream. In UCD though, nice girls did drink. Or as Emily says the “fun ones” did. They drank plenty and this continued into work life.

A bad hangover

It was normal to turn up late and theatrically dying to weddings, christenings, and family lunches. She says

“A bad hangover, was pretty much my favourite accessory, along with smudged eyeliner and boasts of only 3 hours sleep.

A change of heart

Then her Mother’s example of not drinking became more attractive. She became sick of being exhausted and missing so many days. She loved her job and wanted to do well.

So she cut back.

She still drank a couple of glasses of wine every night. She now saw alcohol as a friend with benefits, but not a soul mate. However, even this level of drinking is not recommended as it’s above the low risk guidelines.

Pregnancy interferes

Then Emily got pregnant and wisely decided not to drink at all. With 3 children who were each breastfed, she got out of the habit and found she did n’t miss it. Not that she had much of a social life anyhow.

Social Drinking becomes the norm

The odd occasion, she would have a glass of wine to celebrate. Generally only one glass, very rarely two.  But it was nice to know she could have a glass of wine when she needed it.  At the end of a very bad day, or to celebrate something- maybe a good 10 k run.

Alcohol was a friend with benefits

So Emily saw alcohol as a friend with benefits, but it was only a small part of her life. Her story shows how alcohol is so dominant in Irish society and that we have a really high tolerance for drinking too much.  Emily’s story also shows how a caring community and good role models can help influence how we view alcohol. And lastly how our relationship with alcohol can be altered- even if we’re drinking every day, we can still change.

Emily writes so beautifully and the full article can be seen here. There’s a really shock kicker at the end and now Emily can’t drink at all, so do read it for the full story.

Before my Mother got Alzheimer’s, her party piece was the song

  There’s nothing so lonesome like a pub with no beer.

At every single family get together, she’d be asked to sing it. It’s a great party piece with catchy sing along lines. All of us, even the smallest kids would join in on the final line of each verse,

There’s nothing as lonesome as a pub with no beer

A happy childhood memory

We always loved when my Mother sang the song. She had a nice voice and could sing all the verses and choruses perfectly and with great emotion. I loved watching her sing , because she is a shy woman and this was one time she did not mind being the certain of attention. She would share the song with her audience looking at each of us individually.
We kids and the adults would all join in on the final words of each verse-

the pub has no beer.

The joy of singing along with all the adults and feeling connected and bonded -to feel like a part of this adult group is one of my happiest childhood memories.

A pub with no beer and a man cries

As a kid, I though the song was magical. In one of the verse the chorus goes

Old Billy, the blacksmith, the first time in his life
Has gone home cold sober to his darling wife
He walks in the kitchen, she says, “You’re early, me dear”
Then he breaks down and he tells her that the pub’s got no beer

I always wondered at this. Imagine. A grown man crying because there’s a pub with no beer. It shows how important alcohol is- a disaster when there’s none around. I could not wait until I was old enough to drink and be one of the adults.

The brain washing starts early

So the brain washing that alcohol is essential to a happy life starts early. People will say it’s just a song, don’t take it so seriously. But the songs we sing and the language we use make us part of what we are, it defines us and help us make sense of our world. Every generation growing up has its own singers who help them understand and live life. From the Beatles, Queen, Taylor Swift, Drake, the songs we hear influence us. What Irish person has not enjoyed the Fields of Athenry at a sports match?

Young children think being Irish means drinking

We don’t exist in a vacuum, we’re influenced by everything that goes on around us. A Trinity College study showed most children of just 10 years in Irish primary schools already believed being Irish mean drinking. When packing their spaceships to leave Earth most of them included alcohol, because we’re Irish, that’s what we do. The cute pictures they drew showed the Leprechauns holding a pint.

In Ireland, a hangover is a sign of a good night out rather than a sign of physical damage to the one and only body we have.

A shield is needed

Living in this toxic alcohol (alcogenic) culture, it’s really important we protect ourselves from absorbing these messages that alcohol is this harmless drug that’s a key part of living happily. That we need alcohol to connect to other people.

So surrounding ourselves with people who have a healthy attitude to alcohol is important. Make a point of listening to or reading content which goes against the majority view that alcohol is healthy and is vital to a happy life.
Even after years of listening to people’s stories of being harmed by alcohol, I can still find myself feeling isolated because I don’t want to drink or I only wanted one drink. One time, I’ve even given myself a hangover !

The cruel irony

Finally, My Mother can no longer sing. She talks strings of words which are hard to make sense of. On a good day, she can smile and hum along to a song. “Non-verbal” the doctors call it. A word that does not come close to describing the pain of my lovely Mother not able to talk to us.

What would I give to hear her sing the song, pub with no beer, one last time? To watch her sing and move in happy blissful connection with our family, lovingly looking at each of us in turn. Even just thinking about it, makes me cry.
I know I’d make sure someone would record her singing so I would have it for all time.

I’d also bring her to the new pub that does not sell beer .

The cruel irony is not lost on me.

You can hear the song below.