Category: Social Life

William and Kate have a pint

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Social Life, The big picture

This week, Prince William and Kate visited Ireland and have a pint. Yet again, a grim, toxic message that the highlight of our Irish culture is a pint of Guinness produced by a global multinational. Priceless advertising publicity for a product that kills three people every day.

These trips are planned in meticulous detail, every little detail is pored over and analysed in minute detail. Who will they meet? How long will they stay? Who will greet them when they get out of the car? Where are the likely problems? These trips don’t just happen.

Why?

So the fact that no in Government thought to ask why a visit to a brewery was planned is disappointing.  Not one official or senior manager in the entire Government  thought to say,

“Hang on, we have a crisis in our hospitals with 760 people on trolley beds. Yet 1,500 hospital beds are occupied very night by people harmed by alcohol. So why are we promoting alcohol when it does so much damage to our economy and society?”

Disappointing Royals

Like many Irish people of my age, I’m not a fan of the Royals. But since the younger royals set up their Royal Foundation to tackle the stigma of mental health, I’ve been an admirer.  Prince William’s brother Prince Harry has even spoken about his own mental health struggles and how he used alcohol as a means of coping with the pain of losing his Mother. So they know on a deeply personal level the links between alcohol harm and mental health.

Badly advised

So did they or none of their advisers not see the dangers of visiting a brewery to have a pint? That they were sending a message that alcohol is a safe activity? Despite Alcohol Action Ireland and many other experts saying there is no safe level of drinking.

Have a pint

Or were they advised, those Paddies would get very upset if they did not visit a brewery?  Either way, the Royals undermined their own promotion of mental health when they and the advisers agreed to have a pint, which they know would send photos around the world.

Does it matter?

We saw how crowds welcomed the Royals. The actions of the Royals visiting a brewery to have a pint sends a hugely important message. It sends a message that alcohol is just another ordinary product. If the Royals are drinking it, it must be ok for me to drink it. It normalises alcohol and that no visit to Ireland is complete without going to the brewery to have a pint. So yes it does matter.

Brainwashing at the highest level

So as we try to manage our drinking, it is vitally important to really notice and reject these toxic messages that alcohol is a safe product, which all normal drink. Try not to absorb these misleading messages. Look at alternatives messages about alcohol. For example, Foil Arms and Hog’s really funny fantastic video . Do not be brainwashed

Stefanie changed her relationship with alcohol

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Personal stories, Social Life

Good to see a magazine featuring a range of Irish celebrities talking about their relationship with alcohol.

First up was Stefanie Preissner, creator of the popular RTE show Can’t Cope, Won’t Cope

A hangover lasts 3 days

She talks  in gruesome details about waking up with a hangover which lasted 3 days, but she’s chuffed with herself for waking up in her own bed because as she says

“My standards for what constitutes a good, safe night of drinking have plummeted so low, that I can achieve them simply by waking up at home alone”

She wasn’t the only one of her friends in this. The group texts would start in the afternoon, putting the jigsaw pieces of the night together until they reached the last person to blackout.

It takes effort to learn that drinking is not cool

Stefanie says we’re taught from a very young age that drinking is cool and fun. She never realised she was drinking too much because she hung out with other people who drank too much. As she says

“It’s nearly impossible to call out binge drinking, when it’s part of our cultural identity…

Irish people will do anything to protect their relationship with drink..

We call people “dry balls” or dry shites” if they try to highlight the dysfunction of drinking

There’s social currency when someone can hold their drink and not be seen as lightweight”

Stefanie is not an alcoholic

Stefanie is very clear, that she was and is not an alcoholic. But she was noticing the impact alcohol was having on her life. It was a toxic relationship. The money, the hangovers, the loss of time. Taking lots of painkillers.

Not drinking has a downside

Stefanie sometimes misses the ease with which she could drink herself into oblivion, it made it easier to sit next to annoying people at parties or events. It made it easier to deal with feelings because you could just avoid them- grief, sadness, anger all sloshed away.

She has a brilliant life now

But she says has a brilliant life, apart from all the people who feel threatened by her being sober.

She ends with a call, to people to think about not drinking.  As she says

“Not drinking for a while, wouldn’t be a problem for someone who wasn’t dependent on it.

Irish Culture is changing

Stefanie is brutally honest about her own drinking and the culture of binge drinking among her friends.

It’s great to see influencers like Stefanie showing it’s possible to enjoy life without binge drinking. Breaking down the stigma of the alcoholic label. That you don’t have to be an alcoholic to experience the downsides of drinking. Finally, our society is beginning to wake up to the harm of drinking too much.

Hopefully in years to come, it will acceptable to not drink. Making it a lot easier for those of us trying to drink less.

Stefanie’s’ article is well worth reading here.

In Vino Veritas or we tell the truth when drunk

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Social Life, Uncategorised

Have you ever heard someone say In vino veritas on a night out? Maybe you’ve even said it yourself once or twice.

Because the idea that wine – and alcohol generally – are agents of truth-telling has deep roots in our culture.

We can’t help telling the truth in our cups?

In our books, on our stages, and on our screens, the character in his or her cups is represented as the figure who cannot help being authentic. The drink forces us to be honest, we cannot tell a lie.

Drink tricks us into believing the worse of ourselves

Drink, or so the story goes, makes us bear witness against ourselves. It forces us to reveal uncomfortable truths that we would prefer to keep hidden.

By claiming to dare to go where we are reluctant to go voluntarily, in other words, it tricks us into believing that what we suppress about ourselves – our darkest secrets – are who we really are.

Too much drink stops us living our best lives

But this account is both misleading and incomplete. It does not capture us in all our varieties and colors.

In claiming to have exposed us, it tries to stop us being more imaginative.

In claiming to know what sort of people we really are, it seeks to prevent us from exploring all the versions of ourselves that we might choose to become.

We have many parts

We all have a repertoire of things we think and feel, which we cannot quite bring ourselves to say.

These are a part of who we are. But they are only a part. And they are no more authentic than the part of ourselves that gives to charity and remembers to call our mother on the weekend because we love to hear the sound of her voice.

We are all the hidden, decaying portrait of Dorian Gray.

But we are also the Venus de Milo.

We are our child’s crayon drawing that we display, with pride, on the family refrigerator.

Does in vino veritas make us believe we are monsters?

‘In vino veritas’ would have us believe that, deep down, we are all monsters and villains, that what we really want is to get loose, to tear the world – and one another – apart.

But we are more than that, so much more.

We are more than our fears

We are, each of us, more than a single story. We are more than a catalogue of our fears.

However, if we cannot always stop ourselves thinking the worst about ourselves (and other people), we deserve, at the very least, to give ourselves the chance to see that we are all so much better than we sometimes allow ourselves to believe. As Lucy discovered when she stopped drinking, she was better than she thought.

An Alcohol free hen party can be great fun

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Practical tips, Social Life

Your friend is getting married soon and she’s wondering if an alcohol free hen party is a good idea. She’s  struggling with alcohol and trying to stay off the booze  until after the wedding. She’s dreading the hen party as she’s worried she will drink and make a fool of herself.  You know that a hen party free from alcohol  would avoid potential problems.


Alcohol free may be essential

The bride to be may be very stressed out, so have a discussion with her to agree if  an alcohol free hen  party is a good idea. Let her know, you will keep her informed, discussing all suggestions and ideas with her. 

Plan, Plan, Plan

A person close to the bride  to be, should meet with her privately to find out the triggers that are likely to cause her to drink. Triggers are things such as smells, activities, people that might cause a problem. Find out more about triggers here.

Know the triggers

Once you know what the bride’s triggers are you can plan to avoid them. Certain people may cause a lot of anxiety and stress to the bride so it might be worthwhile chatting to these people to avoid problems or even leave them off the list entirely.

Avoid stress and anxiety

Planning the hen party well in advance can help reduce  stress and anxiety.  Stress and anxiety are  common triggers for drinking too much, so plan activities that encourage relaxation. Understanding what activities the bride and friends are will  enjoy is important.

Decide  what you’re telling  the guests

Agreeing what the bride will say  about her drinking is important. Is she confident enough to simply state this is an alcohol free hen party as she’s not drinking?

Or is a cover story easier? Perhaps  the bride is taking metronidazoleA+ for bacterial vaginosis which means she can’t drink. This cover story can also be great for a laugh!

Or perhaps it’s a hen party where as well as having fun, all monies saved by not drinking will go to a charity of the Bride’s choice.

The key is to let all the guests know what to expect  in advance of the party and making sure they’re ok with the format.

Or maybe a hen party with a difference ?

You can even take it a step further, by combining the hen party with doing something rewarding and helping people.

For example Access Earth is a free online platform offering mobility information for anyone who needs it. e.g which restaurants have wheelchair access. The hen party guests  can help feed into the data this platform provides. Guests are  broken into teams and set loose to try to win the top spot on the leader-board, by mapping as many places as possible.

Or you can help clean up the coast, paint in a hospital or take part in a dragon board race. More details of lots of  different activities   here.

Make sure hen party attendees are  on board

Some people may complain so this is why being clear on the agreed message is vital.

If the Bride has given permission, explain the Bride is trying to stay off alcohol.  She will find it much more difficult not to drink if other people are drinking.

If  the friends still keep complaining  make it clear  that if people can’t drink for one event, to support their friend, then it is sending a message they do not value the friendship. Perhaps it would be better if they did not attend?

After all if a friendship is only good in alcohol is it a real friendship?  Lucy found many of her friendships were based on alcohol and were toxic.

Alcohol free drinks?

If  money is available and it does not bother the bride you may be able to have a selection of alcohol free drinks available, including mocktails. You can find out more about alcohol free drinks here.

Even more party ideas

  • An old-fashioned sleepover, complete with facials, manicures, pedicures, films , and popcorn. Make sure the bride gets a good night’s sleep as sleep deprivation can be a trigger, especially in the early days.
  • Throw a dinner party at someone’s home. Make it as fancy or simple as you want.
  • If the bride enjoys board games, you could have everyone bring their favourite game to play, complete with popcorn and fizzy drinks. You could also do this with movies.
  • Set up a treasure hunt (like geocaching ).
  • If the weather is likely to be dry, go to a free event. For example, an event  in the National Gallery then picnic in the park.
  • Drive somewhere with a great walking trail and plan a hike together. Pack a special picnic and break the treats out after the hike.
  • There are places where you can make a craft, do-it-yourself style for a relatively small fee. Going home with a piece of pottery or jewellery would be a fun way to remember the night.
  • Escape room type games might be a good bonding experience.
  • Funky Seomra run alcohol free dance events.

Is a fun alcohol free hen party possible?

Is a fun alcohol free hen party possible? Absolutely! It just takes  planning, organising and a little bit of creativity.

Mc D stops going to pubs

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Personal stories, Social Life

Attitude change

As time went on I found that I naturally started to drift away from going to pubs.  Sure I still go out and socialise in them, but if there are other options I will take them first.  I find that I can catch up with friends better just by going for a good walk and a cup of coffee.

I stopped being brainwashed

I stopped the brain washing that automatically assumes that being with friends involves alcohol.  It does take some time. I did have one or two setbacks, but all they did was remind me just how much I hated hangovers and how booze left me feeling rotten about myself.

Unexpected Surprise

Along with a lot of people, one of the reasons I started drinking to begin with was to combat shyness. I realise I am a lot older now and a lot less shy as a consequence.  I have found that through socialising without booze, I have become a lot more comfortable in my own skin and am confident in any social situation.  Meeting new people in new places was sometimes intimidating to me without the crutch of alcohol.  Meeting people without drinking has allowed my natural self to blossom and grow and my true nature has been allowed to develop fully.

Did I mention money?

Although it was n’t the main motivation to stop drinking, I noticed straight away just how much money I was saving by not drinking.  Not getting into rounds, no taxis, no expensive wine with meals and no drunk internet shopping meant a lot healthier bank account.  As a consequence I have been able to treat myself to a few luxuries I would have not dared buy when boozing.  The irony is n’t wasted on me, year after year I squandered pots of cash by drinking it, while thinking I was unable to afford something I really wanted.

Conclusion

Overall I found socialising without alcohol tricky at first, having a plan on what to drink and what to say to people when questioned is very important.  Making it a rule that drinking is just not an option and sticking to this rule solidified the decision in my mind and gave me strength in times of discomfort. 

Going to pubs does not bother me

Having said that in the beginning, I only went to events that really appealed to me so I would not be in constant temptation and I also removed alcohol from my home.  Now I am less inclined to go to pubs and when I do it really does not bother me to be around people drinking when I am not.  I thought to get to this stage would never happen to me.  Experiencing all the benefits of stopping drinking, let me know that I am missing nothing at all.

Editor’s note

Mc D does a lot of things right. He

  • Listens to what he needs
  • He makes a plan
  • Initially he avoids events unless he really wants to go
  • He accepts he will make mistakes and does not blame himself for them
  • He uses the money he saves to buy things he really likes
  • When he’s more confident, he starts going to pubs again-when he really wants to!

Photo Background photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com

Does drinking culture affect our drinking?

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Social Life

Well, had an amazing holiday travelling to Australia, New Zealand and Dubai and the chance to see how different drinking culture changes how much we drink.

Mardi Gra in Australia 

Landed in Sydney, the weekend of the Mardi Gra. So Saturday night hordes of happy chirpy characters wandering around in costumes from Little Bo-Peep to tiny little G-strings which left absolutely nothing to the imagination. I really enjoyed watching the parade and unlike Dublin city centre on a Saturday night there was no air of menace just people strutting their stuff and having fun.

Australians drink a lot but they’re behind us in the drinking stakes at 9.4 litres per person.

Chilled out New Zealand

Next to Wellington, New Zealand. Fantastic country with wonderful chilled out people.  They drink around the same as Australians at 9.4 litres.  The Kiwi’s I met did not drink much at all- one or two drinks on a night out. It was also lovely to be able to walk home from the city centre and feel totally safe.

Both Kiwis and Australians are drinking less now but there are concerns about the damage caused by drinking with the older age group doing most damge to themselves.

Drinking in Dubai

Stopped off in Dubai on the way home. A massive culture shock.  Public drinking is only allowed in hotels and restaurants. A licence is needed to buy alcohol in shops. Alcohol advertising is not allowed in Dubai. They bleep out words which refer to alcohol in songs played on the radio. At 3.8 litres per person their alcohol consumption is really low.

The Muslim religion forbids the consumption of alcohol. Muslim people are not allowed to work or support the alcohol industry in any way.

If we had not been staying in a hotel where alcohol was part of the package it would have been very easy not to drink.

While there are serious human rights issues in Dubai we could learn something from their approach to alcohol.

Drinking culture does affect how much we drink

So after an incredible holiday, sadly arrived back to Dublin. On one of my first nights out with friends drank more than I intended to. Again!  Never had that problem while I was away on holidays.

It’s just so easy to drink more than we want too in our drinking culture. Our society makes it very difficult to cut back on drinking. We drink more than any of the countries I visited at a massive 11 litres per person.

What to do?

So we can’t change how society views alcohol overnight. But we can help ourselves. Simply accepting that some of our drinking issues are caused by problems beyond our control can help us cope with them. Or as the Nagoski sisters put it

“Just knowing the game is rigged can help you feel better straight away”

A thought that certainly made me feel better and not so stupid with my hangover.

Is Blue Monday really so blue?

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Social Life, The big picture

The idea that Blue Monday, the 3rd Monday in January is the most depressing day has taken hold in the last few years. Even though the science behind blue Monday is highly suspect!  Many people do find the 3rd week of January   depressing- the New Year’s resolutions have been broken or it’s very tough going and money is very tight until the end of the month.

So we thought we’d cheer you up by looking at some of the really positive things that are happening.

 

#Metoo movement

This was a major story in the last few years. Women standing up for themselves and calling out those in power, abusing that power by sexually assaulting women. It became a topic of conversation at tea breaks over lunch and for the first time many men became aware of the level of intimidation many women must face every day.

 

Change is happening at ground level

One highlight for me was a coffee break where one man stated woman were exaggerating about unwanted  sexual innuendo. Every single woman from women in their 20’s to their 60’s put up their hand to say yes, they had been subjected to unwanted sexual remarks or  physical contact at least once. The man was visibly shocked and hopefully he has a new take on the issue.

 

Women’s voices are becoming stronger

We had the horrific Belfast rape trial followed by further horrible questioning in a Cork trial where a woman was asked about the underwear she was wearing, showing rape myths are alive and well.

But now women are standing up for themselves.  There were protests after the Belfast trial and  Cork Trials. Jena Keating a Cork woman stood alone on Patrick Street in her underwear, with her mouth taped and ‘this is not consent’ written all over her body.

People starting hugging her (click here  for video) and she really got the point across.

 

Brave Campaigners

Brave Vicky Phelan has changed the face of Irish medicine and how women are perceived with her decision to campaign on cervical cancer screening.

Louise O Neill’s book on sexual consent was turned in to a searing sold out play and Lynn Ruane’s book about her life won an award.

We also had the campaigners for repeal persuading the people of Ireland to vote for abortion. Whatever your views about abortion, it always disturbed me that in a country which banned abortion we did not have a decent child care system and children often have to wait years for health treatment. Maybe now we’re a little less hypocritical.

Another highlight for me was seeing Emmet Kirwan’s video showing one woman’s life, it covered so many different important topics. (click here)

 

The backlash against alcohol begins

At long last, we’re beginning to see more people starting to question our attitude to alcohol

There was

The well-known commentator Adrian Childs documentary talking about his relationship with alcohol.

BBB news talking about resisting “drink pushers” during the festive season

The Irish media even got in on the act saying Merry Christmas cards showing alcohol give the wrong message about alcohol.

 

A pub without alcohol

We even have Ireland’s first ever permanent pub without alcohol coming. Hopefully opening in February.

Imagine that!

There’s also a few other pubs. All In Dublin as far as I know, but they just have alcohol free sessions. Now if they could just reduce the price of alcohol free drinks!

 

Addiction services starting to change

Finally the horrible practise of bullying and insulting people with alcohol problems is now  starting to be challenged. This article appeared in the Irish Times.  This practise has no benefit in treatment so  avoid any treatment that includes this approach.

 

Public Health Alcohol Bill

A major achievement was the passing of the Public Health Alcohol Bill. Despite powerful lobbying the bill finally passed. Now the Government just has to implement it.

 

Blue Monday is not so blue

So yes, we’ve still a long way to go, this Blue Monday  but finally Irish society is beginning to change. so don’t give up hope. Change is always possible. If you’re feeling a bit Blue Monday why not look back on the last year and see if you can find five memories or events that made you happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking action on your Christmas drinking triggers

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Practical tips, Social Life

Last week we wrote about identifying your Christmas drinking triggers, in this post we talk about taking action on Christmas drinking triggers.

As regular readers, will know it’s all  about the  planning.

Why is planning so important?

In our alcohol obsessed culture where drink is everywhere it’s very easy to drink too much. So it takes effort and advance planning to make sure we’re don’t get sucked down into the glug glug of boozy Christmas drinking.

Everybody’s different so what works for one person may not work for another. So thinking about what will work for you is really important.  Once you know what’s going to be  your Christmas drinking triggers you can take action. You might find these tips helpful.

 

Create an advent calendar

Creating an advent calendar covering those days which are most stressful for you can be useful. Lidl sell a range for just €4.99  were  you fill each day yourself. You can  use this to write little notes or reminders to yourself for different days. Or maybe even put in little gifts to help you stay focused.

To get you started, here‘s a calendar we came across that many people liked. It focuses on happiness.

christmas drinking triggers

 

Office Christmas parties

These can be a real killer as a Christmas drinking trigger. Everybody out to have fun, relax and in many workplaces there’s a free bar.  Not drinking means you can be seen as a real killjoy.

One way to avoid this pressure is to ring the venue in advance and see will they be serving no or low alcohol drinks. These can often look like the real thing. So you  look like you’re drinking when you’re not actually drinking.  Sneaky huh! For suggestions on low alcohol drinks see this post.

For even more tips on office parties click  here.

 

Family events can be real Christmas drinking triggers

If you’re part of a family where socialising consists  entirely of sitting around drinking, this can be very tough. It’s easier to take part then sit watching as the conversation gets more and more boring as people start slurring their words.

Also there’s usually one toxic family member present. I’ve heard one woman say we’re all encouraged to cut toxic people out of our lives, so why do we all feel the need to meet up with toxic family members at Christmas? It’s strange all right. So very important to keep our expectations of enjoying toxic family events low!

Here’s a few tips for family events we’ve heard you might find useful.

 

Arriving late

Not really good manners, but when the event is going to be a long drinking session, arriving late means you cut the amount of drinking time you spend there. And managing your drinking is much more important.

 

Bring any kids in the event for a short walk in the fresh air

I know we’ve been minding kids all year, so going for a walk in the cold, does not sound appealing. But I’ve found even a little break from the event does wonders.  It freshens me up, the kids can be really funny and I always go back in better humour. The other adults always appreciate you more as well.

(Did anyone see the wonderful Toy Show, I’d love a walk and  chat with so many of those lovely kids in particular Scott and Grace)

 

Make a bingo card

In Club Soda, one lady suggested making a bingo card. The bingo card has a range of different tasks on it. Like count the number of people at an event, or talk to someone who is not drinking. Or count the number of times someone mentions a particular word or phrase. Crossing off the bingo card when no one was watching made the event much more interesting.

 

Line up a friend

So  you know an event is really going to be full of   Christmas drinking triggers. For example, you’re going to feel really lonely in that crowded room because you’re the only one not drinking. Your sister in law will be making snide comments about your kids, while the brother boasts on and on about his new car.  So plan ahead and line up a friend that you can text or WhatsApp when you go to the bathroom. That way you can get a bit of moral support to help with  those lonely feelings.

 

Christmas is not perfect

So make your plans, but remember despite all the pressure around us to have the picture perfect Christmas it really is just another few days and we don’t have to be perfect or even to actually enjoy it!

What are your triggers for the Christmas drinking season?

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Practical tips, Social Life

Yep, that time of the year again, the Christmas drinking season is on us. When you’re trying to reduce your drinking or even not drink at all, it can be a very tough time.

 

Christmas is not a happy time for everyone

Memories of past Christmases can make life difficult. Loved ones that are now gone. For me, Christmas means the day services are closed. So I’ll be spending more time looking after my Mother who has Alzheimer’s and needs 24 hour care. I love her dearly but after eight years of care it takes a toll. For the first time ever, my daughter won’t be home from England, so can’t even enjoy her company. So I’m definitely not looking forward to Christmas and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.

 

What does Christmas mean to you?

I find not pretending Christmas is a happy time really helps. The times when I do meet up with friends, or go out with my other daughter are more enjoyable because they know how I feel and we don’t pretend. So it’s useful to understand for yourself what does Christmas mean for you and not pretend it’s a happy time if that’s not right for you.

 

Are triggers an issue?

We’ve heard from many people who say the Christmas drinking season is the toughest time to control their drinking. All that pressure to be happy, all the parties and meeting ups. The feeling that if you don’t drink you’re an outsider and weirdo.

So identifying your specific triggers for the Christmas drinking season is really helpful

 

What are your triggers?

What are your specific triggers?  Could it be work Christmas parties, or is it particular family members, or putting up the Christmas tree. Even specific Christmas decorations can be triggering. I always find a Christmas decoration with all our names painted on it makes me feels really sad. I can’t bring myself to throw it away. So now I just put it in a separate box which I never open.

Is spending too much time with family a trigger? Or maybe tiredness after too many late nights or not sticking to your usual daily routine.

 

Start planning for the Christmas drinking season

So write down all your likely triggers by the 1st of December and then you can start planning how you are going to deal with them. That way you get to control your drinking and actually enjoy the Christmas drinking season.

In the next post, we’ll give some tips on dealing with these triggers.

You can also see more advice on Christmas drinking here.