So after the free for all of Christmas eating and drinking, we’re into the ritual of telling each other happy new year and the annual ongoing civil war with ourselves. This year it seemed to be worse as it was the end of a decade.
A civil war with ourselves?
I was really surprised to hear her talk about hating herself. That she’s achieved nothing, she’s a failure and she hates looking back. It’s why she hates the New Year’s Eve. All those expectations to have the perfect night and to actually be perfect.
Hearing this from a very successful, much loved author, who is kind, does lots of volunteering in unpopular causes and who has been happily married for 24 years is incredible. It shows how often we just don’t see the good parts of ourselves and focus only on the bad parts.
I find myself nodding in agreement as she talks about the pressure to be perfect. To lose weight, get fit, improve ourselves and for many people to drink less or not drink at all.
We start off with great intentions, with all these New Year resolutions, but end up in a cycle of lapsing, denial and hating ourselves.
There’s no such thing as Happy New Year
Marian says there’s no such thing as Happy New Year. Everyone has some pain in their life, some stone in their shoe. So it’s impossible to be happy all the time. So she never says Happy New Year, she just says happy day. It makes a lot of sense to me.
Go easy on yourself
So go easy on yourself, don’t be over ambitious or try to be perfect. Pick one small thing, that means something to you and focus on that.
If you want to reduce your drinking, start with something that you have confidence you can achieve.
If you’ve been drinking every day for the last ten years, try not drinking one day a week. You can find more advice on setting targets here.
Build in positive rewards
Make sure you have some positive rewards built into your New Year resolution. So you could put the money saved from drinking less, into a jar each week and then treat yourself to something you like at the end of each month.
So wishing us all success this year, in learning and understanding and being at peace with ourselves.
It’s well worthwhile watching the full Marian video here.
Here’s Marian’s really funny takedown of those people who boast about their achievements of the last decade
MY ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE LAST DECADE
I CLIMBED on a chair and found the place where Himself hides the chocolate
I LOST my temper when he moved it to another spot
I FOUND the new one
I GAINED some heft
I GREW as a person (size-wise)
I UNDERSTOOD that chocolate is great