Tag: alcohol free

I was never a heavy drinker. I did not drink too much. Or at least like us all, I did not  consider myself to have a problem with alcohol.

My Father was a heavy drinker

My father was a heavy drinker, although, he never admitted it. He drank occasionally, as he liked to put it. Every Sunday. Sometimes during the week after a long and tough day at work. He drank at every holiday and celebration like New Year’s Eve, Christmas and Hanukah. Not that we as a family were religious at all.

Every social occasion was an excuse to drink

My Father drank at every birthday of every friend.  Every anniversary, after a trip to a theatre or a cinema.He drank  during his  day off, when watching TV or going out with friends.  So basically he drank almost every 2-3 days. It was always a matter of social drinking.  Later in his life  my Father discovered some health problems associated with his drinking habits  and had to make a conscious choice to stop.

My Grandfather was worse

My Father’s Father, my grandfather was worse. He drank every day after work and during the whole day at weekends. He worked as a craftsman at a large factory.  He had hands worth gold as they said. He died at 55, his heart just stopped.

I was raised in alcohol

Whenever any of us kids had birthdays, the parents would organise cake, some snacks and alcohol free champagne. The alcohol environment is the environment I was raised in. Alcohol was and is in some cases  still  associated with adulthood. It’s being cool, being a grown-up. It is the norm in Western society, and it is definitely a norm in Irish society, where I now live.

I made a decision

So there came a time when I thought about starting a family.  I realised that not I nor the history of my own family will be able to set a good example.  Something had to change. So I made a decision. It was not a New Year’s resolution or a Monday when I stopped drinking. It just kind of happened. I started saying no. It felt easy, logical and good.

By saying no to alcohol, I said yes to me

And by saying no to alcohol I said yes to me. Yes to raising my children in an alcohol free environment, being a positive Mother and leading by example.

Editor’s Note

If you would like to know whether your drinking could be causing you problems, try out our free Sofun course.

One of the scariest things for me as I cut down on my alcohol consumption was my concern for what others would think. Would I be No Craic  if I gave up drinking?

No one got hurt, but I needed help

In February of 2015, I had a frightening experience while under the influence of alcohol. I was dangerously unstoppable and a hazard to myself and others. Thankfully, no one got hurt that night and I was advised to seek help. Following this, I made a decision to reduce my intake of alcohol. To begin with, I cut it out completely.

I began to waiver

Initially, it was not so difficult as I wasn’t overly enthused about socialising. My mood was low and I had anxiety. It wasn’t until my appetite for a social life began to return that I felt the confidence in my decision begin to waiver.

I feared being known as no craic

Being a sensitively natured person, I often took it to heart when questioned about not drinking.  I feared being known as no craic. Frequently, I would stress over whether my friends would lose interest in me. These fears caused waves of uncertainty. It wasn’t until I started to feel and see the advantages of my decision that my resolve began to strengthen.  The more I learnt about myself and the world in those times that I would have been drinking, the stronger I felt about my choice.

My friends and family did support me

I’ve been doing a variety of things with my new spare time and money, such as hill walking, pottery, learning Irish, sewing and running – I even tried boxing! These excursions have empowered me to share the advantages of my experience with friends and family, who have collectively been an amazing wealth of support.

I am now flourishing

With a clear mind I was able to examine my confidence, strength and emotional resilience and pin point what I needed to develop in myself as a flourishing, young woman. I’ve realised not  drinking does not mean I am No Craic.

Editor’s Note

If you would like to find out your pros and cons of drinking try out Janus our short course which will help make  your decision easier.

Was my true destiny to die a  drunk woman? 

When I thought about how I would feel, act, look and behave when I quit being a drunk woman, there was always some joy, but a lot of FEAR. Most of those dark thoughts included;

• Was my true destiny to die a  drunk woman?
• Could I ever feel joy again?
• What if I was a real addict?
• How would I handle my pain without alcohol?
• Would I know how to become part of the real world?
• Would I fit in again?
• Had I become too broken to be normal?

My excuses protected me

Little did I know at the time that they were my excuses. I kept all those worries and negative feelings deep inside because they protected me. They held back the pain and humiliation of failure. I spent so much time, so much energy and failed so many times.  I found it hard not to blame ME for continuing to drink.

I wasn’t normal

I find that many, many, women do this. It’s often because our energies are   focused on the wrong direction. I spent years chasing recovery when there is no such thing. How can you “recover” from your life experiences, you don’t, you learn from them. For me, the lesson was I that I kept jumping about and clutching to the idea that I wasn’t normal and needed to learn to live. I thought I would find it in places where everyone else was like me. Where I would be given a badge to wear that pronounced who I was, and where there was a leader that gave us instruction from a book on how to live a great life.

For me, it couldn’t have been more wrong……

Sitting in the driver seat

There came a time in my life when I had to take the steering wheel. I was in the driving seat and I had three choices

1) Crash and burn.

2) Let someone else drive even if they brought me somewhere I didn’t want to be.

3) Take the wheel and trust myself.

Well, I had tried the first two, and they caused me pain. I had to decide now if the pain of driving myself was going to be more or less painful that the first two.

I have discovered that since I took the wheel, I am driving down a busy road. I share the road with many people. Most are wonderful, kind, considerate road users, some are cranky, moody people, rushing to get to the end of the journey. On the rare occasion, you might come across the nasty, cruel dangerous driver who has no regard for other road users.

It’s up to you to decide

We are all stopping a different “rest stops.” But the majority of us are moving in the same direction. Each rest stop brings a new challenge; some challenges require many people to come together to solve problems, but most are solo challenges. It’s up to you to decide what to do with them. They even have titles like;

• Who are you?
• What’s your purpose?
• What makes you happy?

The list is endless so far…..But great fun.

I had the power all along

Being in the driving seat is scary, but fun. It’s the “roller coaster” kind of scary and fun. As you get more experienced on the road, you can start to make friends. Many people gravitate to the confident, more experienced drivers because they want to learn from them.

But I can assure you that you were born to drive!  You don’t have to be a drunk woman. You have control over your thoughts; you can decide your next move. You have the power to do it.

Don’t hang out with learner drivers at the rest stops

If you want my advice, be kind to learner drivers and give them a lot of space and encouragement but don’t hang out with them at the rest stops. They will unknowingly prevent you from getting back behind the wheel, and you won’t move forward. Don’t worry too much about other road users; they are just as scared of crashing as you are. Stop at as many rest stops as possible, stretch your legs, meet a few other road users, have a healthy snack and fill up your car.

I have no idea what the road ahead is like, so I can’t help you there. I am however enjoying the ride, loving the experience and getting more confident that my next stop isn’t my last!

So if you’re thinking about changing your destination why sign up for our weekly emails to help you navigate your journey?

I grew up hearing so many old expressions and commonly spouted phrases that had been handed down through multiple generations, never really holding them in particularly high regard. As I have grown older, however, these snippets of wisdom have really begun to mean something to me. Just as is the case with the nursery rhymes we sing to our children to help them sleep or to keep them entertained, reassuringly familiar sayings have a comforting purposefulness about them. They can be useful to help kick the booze.

Here are seven everyday proverbs together with the reasons why I find them so helpful – especially for people who are trying to kick the booze.

This too shall pass

I’ve lost count of the number of times this has been of comfort to me. In the darkest of hours, I have always reassured myself that absolutely everything eases with sufficient time – hanging onto that thought steered me out of some truly desperate moments and helped kick the booze.

There’s always someone worse off than you

You should never reduce your own serious issues to nothing but trivialities.  However it is important to retain some perspective when one is up the proverbial creek minus a paddle. Personal difficulties can become magnified under the weighty pressure of whatever it is that has gone wrong, but when you remind yourself of what other people have to deal with, it really can help reduce the size of your problem.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Being busy, pre-occupied or simply caught up in a carb-craving frenzy can occasionally make me forget to eat healthily. When I turn my back on the green stuff and opt instead for pizzas, cakes or biscuits, I notice a marked reduction in my energy levels and general sense of wellbeing, and a lack of desire to do any exercise. Conversely, when I eat well, I feel good.

A problem shared is a problem halved

Sitting alone, mulling over a problem, the world can feel like a cold and unfeeling place. Those feelings vanish instantly the second we open up and talk over our troubles with a sympathetic and caring listener.

Every cloud has a silver lining

There has been a positive aspect to every single bad life event I have experienced, whether it was my divorce (taught me independence, forced me to grow up, eventually led me to where I am now), or failing to get a job that I had my heart set on (other opportunities opened up instead which turned out to be a much better fit for me, and which evolved into even greater and more exciting things than I could ever have imagined originally). Seek out the silver lining wherever possible; it will help you to appreciate EVERY part of your life.

As you make your bed, so you must lie upon it

Personal responsibility is so important for emotional development. We have to accept things are of our own making (when they are) in order to be able to learn from our mistakes and grow into better people. Blaming others results in bitterness and a narrow mind – it takes strength and dignity to accept responsibility when things go wrong.

Carpe Diem

Always remember the brevity of life. You never know when your time will be up and it will be too late to do the things you always dreamt of. Make the moment count, never waste a day, and always try to be grateful for having the opportunity to live.

 Editor’s note

If you need help managing your drink, why not try out our  free top tips to reduce alcohol harm. Click here

1.Clearheaded

Day after day, without interruption, free from fog and confusion: this is my experience of living without alcohol. I think straight because mind-altering substances of any kind no longer hamper my thoughts. I just think. Clearly.

2.Love

If you’re addicted to something, it prevents you from loving anything else or anyone fully. How can you give your heart completely to another human being when a proportion of it already belongs to a substance? Answer: you can’t. But since I started living without alcohol, I’ve got my head around what love really is. And I know that I never had it when I drank; I had nothing that resembled love at all.

3.Appreciation

When you’re running from yourself, either drunk or with an almighty hangover, and you hate every part of what you are, inside and out, there’s no room to notice the world around you. I internalised everything when I drank, I turned in on myself and expended all my energy thinking about me, and the terrible things I did, and the current mess I’d landed myself in, and the bad hand that life had seemingly dealt me. I rarely took in a beautiful sunset, or the sound of a bird chirruping on a branch, or the friendly smile of a passing stranger.

4.Remould

You’re never fixed. As a human, you possess an immense ability to rework yourself. All you need to do is to start putting into practise new habits and small changes to how you lead your day-to-day life. When you stare into the mirror and hate what is looking back, just remember that it doesn’t need to end there.

5.Instinctive

One of the best things about  living without alcohol for me is that I now completely trust my instincts. I rely on my gut feelings to help me navigate my way through life, and I’ve not yet been let down by this as a strategy. When I drank, I often had my head in the clouds – life was part reality, part fantasy, and I found it difficult to separate the two. It’s a different story now.

6.True to yourself

It sounds like a cliché, but I found myself when I stopped drinking. I was lost as a drinker, had no idea of who I was or what I wanted out of my life. Or of what I was capable of. Or of the sort of people I wanted to spend time with. And then, with spectacular ease, my vision of the person I was and what life was about magically became apparent. It didn’t happen overnight but within a few months of becoming a non-drinker, there it was – clarification of me, and of my life.

7.You matter

You matter. I matter. We all matter. Our happiness counts. We deserve to live a life that is true to who we are, and one in which we fulfill our potential. Self-compassion can be impossible to exercise when we’re frequently filled with self-hatred, when we turn away from our own reflection and can’t sleep at night because we can’t stand what we have become… and yet, self-esteem can and does return when you stop doing things when you’re drunk that you later bitterly regret.

Editor’s note

If you’re wondering about living without alcohol altogether or just want to  reduce your drinking, you might find our course helpful.  Click here.